Grateful For The Imperfectly Imperfect

Perfectionism is the enemy of gratitude.

I think someone typed that in the chat of this week’s Gratitude Encounter™.

I don’t know… I failed to save the chat.

For those of you who joined, you know that was par for the course. Tuesday’s Gratitude Encounter was the most technically challenging Encounter I’ve ever hosted.

It was far from perfect.

As a recovering perfectionist — it’s a daily battle for me. Seriously, I rarely get more than a day without relapsing into perfectionism.

Tuesday was one of the most amazing days I’ve enjoyed in a long time. It was a day flawed by dozens, if not hundreds of imperfections. I don’t think that is much of an exaggeration either.

You know what — the imperfections of the day. Well, let me be crystal clear— MY imperfections of the day almost ruined it for me.

If you’re a perfectionist, you’ll get this. If you are not a perfectionist, you may have a variety of responses, from doubt and unbelief to criticism and judgment. My hope is that you gain understanding and empathy for the perfectionists in your life.

Tuesday started early for me — excessively early. Like 2:38am early. Not as bad as it sounds, as I was asleep before 9:00pm on a Monday night.

I was in Orlando to keynote a conference and had a 7:00am call time for a rehearsal. I was up early — energized and excited about the day ahead. We were also launching the Grateful App, and I was hosting a Gratitude Encounter at noon. There was plenty to be excited about.

I enjoyed the early morning hours and headed to the hotel gym at 4:40am. Only to meet another early riser who informed me that the gym didn’t open until 5:00am.

Oh no, my ‘perfect schedule’ was suddenly interrupted. I took a walk instead. It was a beautiful morning for a walk.

After the walk, I was hungry. Nowhere on the premises was breakfast served before 7:00am.

Seriously? I almost have breakfast earlier than that.

No worries. The 7:00am rehearsal would be short and quick. There would be plenty of time for breakfast before 8:00am start of the meeting.

Uh — there was a miscue with the A/V team. The techs didn’t know about a rehearsal and thought they could use that hour for setting up.

There was a lot of scrambling going on… only without the eggs.

Rehearsal finished at 7:57am. No time for breakfast.

That’s okay. I was running on adrenaline, excitement, and enthusiasm.

As is usually the case with many meetings, we started a few minutes late.

Not a big deal.

Except, for the perfectionists in the world.

For us… a schedule is a schedule. Actually, it’s supposed to be a contract — one we wish was legally binding with serious penalties for even minor infractions. For the rest of the world (at least to perfectionists) schedules seem like suggestions.

I paused while typing this to do a little research (first time ever on this topic) and discovered that perfectionists make up about 30% of people on the planet.

Other studies showed that percentage jumping to almost 80% among the “the gifted population”.

Excuse me!!! Aren’t we ALL gifted? (I’ll save that rant for a future post.)

Back to the meeting, I was last on the agenda to speak.

As a recovering perfectionist, I was keenly aware that we were 10 minutes, 27.5 seconds off schedule.

By the audience response and comments, I delivered a great presentation.

But…

Not for the recovering perfectionists, who, at that moment, was “on a bender” — and drowning shots self-criticism.

• You forgot to say this.

• You rushed that point a bit too much.

• Oh, and what about this?

At a moment when I could have been enjoying so many things, I was in full critique mode.

Truth be told: I’ve never delivered a perfect presentation. Never have. Never will!

Then again, from another perspective — I’ve delivered plenty of presentations that were perfect for the moment… and the audience… just not for me.

I finally flipped the switch—

by leaning into gratitude and found self-compassion.

Then, it was time to get ready to host the Gratitude Encounter.

I opened my laptop and launched Zoom. My laptop is old. Now, it’s only used when I travel and need to host meetings on the road.

Zoom wouldn’t launch. The message said a software update was required.

No biggie. I launched the update and worked on some other stuff.

When I checked back — the update didn’t download. It was too large of a file.

I tried again.

The download failed.

That sentence is completely true. The download failed.

That’s a really hard distinction for a perfectionist to make.

As a perfectionist, there’s a loud voice in my head…

The real failure was YOU should have tested this before leaving home. A professional doesn’t wait until the last hour…

I did a speed test on the Wi-Fi and realized this file wouldn’t download in a day.

I remember there was Wi-Fi in the conference center and walked over there. That Wi-Fi wasn’t any faster and now there were only 25 minutes left.

I went to the Business Center… they didn’t even have internet!

I stopped by the concierge desk — we attempted some other things.

No improvements.

I headed back to the hotel room and realized y only option was to use my iPad and iPhone to host the meeting.

That wasn’t working so smoothly. I was struggling.

By then, it was time to start the meeting. Juggling and struggling.

Fortunately, my friend Chris Michel offered to help host and run the presentation from his computer.

That took a couple minutes — did I mention by now the meeting had already begun?

Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup.

But we were managing.

Or so I thought. Until it was time for the breakout rooms.

I couldn’t find them, so I couldn’t launch them.

And we always have breakout rooms! I’ve hosted hundreds of meetings… always with breakout rooms.

Wow, things were way different on the iPad interface.

“Hey Anna, will you manage the breakout rooms?”

I was keenly aware of all the scrambling I was doing.

If this is a football game and I was a quarterback, my pocket was collapsing fast, and I was about to get sacked for what felt like a 50-yard loss.

Then, Anna says, “Kevin, the meeting room option isn’t available.”

Say what?

We scrambled some more.

Oh, another thing.

Using the iPad interface, I never saw all the participants. I had no idea who all was on the call.

It seemed like one failure was mounting after another… and another.

What a disaster!

At least, when viewed through the lens of perfectionism.

BUT is that the only lens through which we can look at our circumstances — whatever they may be?

We adjusted and keep adjusting.

One person who is going through some really difficult circumstances and situations (health problems of family members) felt so much joy, she laughed for the first time in a long time.

Other amazing things were happening… IN SPITE of all the things that seemed to be going wrong — at least when viewed through the lens of perfectionism.

Others who were joining for the very first time (and had NO idea of how things ‘normally happen’) were leaning in… benefitting… enjoying the meeting.

And then…

Suddenly, I was able to see just how amazing this day WAS. How imperfectly perfect this day was!

If I could only let go of those unrealistic expectations that anything ever comes off perfectly, I would be able to look at everything with gratitude.

What about you?

In what ways are you aiming for some idealized view of something measuring up to your perfectionistic standards that you are missing the imperfectly imperfect?

Don’t allow perfect to be the enemy of awesome… or the enemy of gratitude.